The Biggest Yes
Emotional pain is the most common pain on earth.
Emotional pain comes from previous choices and decisions. Choices and decisions – the accepted way of life in our modern civilisation – are the product of ignorance which is simply lack of self-knowledge. We can’t help descending into ignorance after we’re born. The question is how long we stay there before realising – through self-knowledge – that nothing is what it seems, particularly the antics and feelings of our self.
Instead of making choices, why not do what you prefer? All animals eat what they prefer and bypass what they don’t prefer while conditions offer their preferences. Should their preferences not be available, animals will eat a lower grade of preferences. In either case they won’t make a choice. They do what comes naturally – and that’s what they prefer.
Choices come from likes and dislikes. We develop likes and dislikes from childhood. Parents, relatives and society encourage us to like and dislike things. We get into the habit of saying what we like and dislike. This creates a disjointed and self-projecting way of looking at things and judging them. The self feeds off these polarised reactions. Best not to say what you like or don’t like. ‘No thank you,’ or ‘not just now’ is a better way; or a simple ‘thank you.’ Be guided by preference. As you give up likes and dislikes you’ll get the idea.
The spiritual master, the Blessed John, who in London in 1968 had a great transforming influence on my life, used to say: ‘Don’t make decisions. Go for the biggest yes.’
Just as the unhappy self lives off choices and likes and dislikes, so for its own good it forces us into the habit of making decisions. Most ‘decisions’ are not necessary. You only think they are. Best, as the Blessed John advised, to go for the biggest yes. There’s nothing sharp or staccato in that. There’s a nice pause while you sum up the facts – not influenced by your feelings. That’s the intelligent way.
Stop saying, ‘I decided.’ You’ll be amazed at how unnecessary the word is in your life. You’ll also be amazed at how often events work out and make decisions irrelevant. You may be in for a bit of nail-biting for a while as you wait without making a decision until what may seem the last moment. But if you’re true, life will be true too and surprise you.
Only the valiant get the prize.
Getting your Life Right