There is of course a simple explanation in truth for your seeming compassion for the man; for your considering taking him on — and for your instinctive reluctance to do so.

Woman in essence is a divine creature, all pure love. She is a consciousness, a principle embodying mother, sister, daughter, lover, comforter, nourisher, God — all at once in female form. But only when she is conscious.

Such consciousness is now. There’s no time in it. Without the consciousness woman clings to her various experiences as woman and becomes each one at different times — hence mother, daughter, lover etc. To be all those attributes at once is beyond simultaneous knowing. To have or be that pure knowledge, you can’t know anything. You’re just what you are, action, and stillness within, moment to moment; but with the knowledge that you must be true to love or the indescribable ‘that’ which you are.

Woman today is semiconscious more or less. Instead of being the precious knowledge or consciousness of love that living has revealed to her, she divides herself emotionally into the confusion of being sometimes mother (of her children as well as of man), sometimes lover, sometimes sister, sometimes daughter, nourisher, comforter.

And sometimes — very rarely — she sees in her own experience the futility of trying to change man or teach him about the reality of love. To think that she can change him is her major error.

All love in existence begins with woman. Without woman’s womb there would be no one to love or be loved. Man’s semen may be the means; but it is woman who carries the burden and the pain of giving birth to love. Hers is the first sacrifice for love.

Nonetheless, true love is man’s essence. But it is concealed under great layers of ignorance — of millennia of notions of female inferiority and weakness. This has been nourished by his forceful intellectual knowing and success in exploiting her in all areas of love and relationship.

He cannot be taught by woman. He is too arrogant in the certainty of his knowing. Knowledge he may have, even of God the ultimate truth outside existence. But knowledge of love he no longer has. Only in one way can he restore himself and be restored to the full glory of his divine role in existence.

Man must love woman. Not any woman. Any woman will fall again for his sweet talk, his promises, his apparent well-meaning sincerity, his cute little-boy-lost look, his sexual prowess; and particularly she’ll succumb to her own certainty that her love can transform him. Or she will give in to her feelings of insecurity, her longing to be loved or her imagined sexual need. Or she’ll just use him, mislead him, badger him and leave him in one way or another.

The only woman man can really love (so that through her he can realise God as love in existence) is a conscious woman, a woman who will not compromise with him in love. This despite something inside her howling for compromise — for all the best possible reasons that her mind and other people will throw up. This is a woman who has realised as her own unshakable knowledge that man’s love, the way he is, hurts and causes ongoing pain.

Not just ongoing pain for her if she compromises, but for all women everywhere.

Thus does the task and knowledge of such a woman take her consciousness beyond the world of personal love which clogs and holds back the evolution of real love on earth. Hers is now a cosmic endeavour, although the woman herself will not know this. Some woman has to do it and this is the woman — a female catalyst in the divine or cosmic plan which even the great masters of truth, by what they’ve left us, have had little knowledge of.

This woman is potential in every adult woman who is prepared to die to self consideration for love’s sake — without expecting a result or to get something in return. Sufficient for her — because she has no choice — is the knowledge and consciousness of real love free of knowing or wanting. She is indeed alone.

Only for the love of such a woman will man give up the selfishness that keeps him from realising the principle of divine love that he is. But where is she? Where is she out there?

She’s not there until man is truly willing to love and change. Then she appears for him. Otherwise he’s involved in a futile search. If he wants her, he must die for love first.

To love such a woman by dying for love man must give up his negativity, self-doubt, independence, reservations, imagined authority and fear of love. She will not harangue him or make emotional demands on him. To her that would not be love.

He loves her because he can’t help it. He’s humble enough to see the strength of the consciousness in her that will not compromise true love. And yet she never assumes to be that or to be anything special. She is only special to him.

He wants nothing more than to be with her, live with her, be always by her side and to care for her. (All that of course will have a familiar ring for most women. The man really means it from his deepest place within. But something gross and beneath him intervenes — his self, his fear of losing his independence which for a time he was able to suppress in the face of the wonder and glory of love. So he woos her, declares his love for her and ­ after the initial joy of getting together ­ gradually or subtly backs away in familiarity, companionship or disinterest.)

Above all, the man of love realises in his own being (and not because she told him) that while he is subservient to his negative independent self she cannot love him with the conscious God-love that she is — even though she does in truth love him. Above all for her, she must be true to the truth and love she is.

In that way does such a woman bring man back to love — without doing anything apart from being true. And man does it for himself. However, for him to love the consciousness of woman like this, he will have an innate love of God — which amazingly is simply what he loves in her. In other words, when the love is complete between them, God is loving God with nothing in between. Truth is then realised at the same time as love.

You mentioned in your letter how a woman who had been with your master longer than you, surrendered utterly to her abusive husband and one day realised there was no need for him to change as she had previously thought. Your master had counselled her to surrender to the abuse because any resistance was only her fear of pain and death.

Well, what a daddy of a misconception of love that is.

Let me tell you what happened to the woman, or in her. She realised a degree of the truth beyond existence, which is always a delight for me to hear. Nonetheless, anyone inwardly committed (by grace) to truth may do this by total surrender in a continuously oppressive situation from which there seems to be no way out. But there has to be some conscious recognition of God to surrender to; otherwise it is resignation, and resignation is just another aspect of human ignorance.

But for this particular woman there was a way out. The woman could have left the man. She would then have served the man and served the cosmic evolution of love on earth. As it was, she had to do what she did. But I can say that though the woman knows something of the power of surrender, she has not realised the power and fulfillment of love.

Love is not truth. Love is only in existence. And here is where it needs to be ­ where man and woman abuse each other, torture each other and ceaselessly endeavour through such ignorance to live with each other. To put up with an abusive partner might serve the divine self-centredness necessary for realising truth by one individual. But it won’t contribute one iota to love on this benighted planet. Truth here without the mystery and romance of love is like a sea without salt.

What is it that every woman fundamentally craves for? Like you?


What is man’s fundamental craving? To retain his independence and then (as a substitute for love) to seek power over nature or people instead of over his self. Of course the rare man (by grace) gives his life to truth through the process of self-mastery. But the rarest man after realising the truth gives his life not only to truth but to the awakening (by grace) of the principle of divine love between man and woman.

If anyone who has realised the truth or a degree of it, asks why in that precious moment of truth they knew extraordinary love, here’s the answer.

Your self is all that is in existence. It is the only barrier to the realisation of divine love implicit in every body.

The love of God or the mystical life slowly reduces the virulent ignorance of self. At a point in many people’s lives truth dissolves the self-ishness more or less. In that moment self realises itself (more or less) as love which it always was before being corrupted and burdened by the mind and emotions. And a welling of love occurs, sometimes a great welling.

But such realisations of love are not complete, not enough to bring about enduring vital and fulfilling love between a man and woman here in existence. Not enough to make a difference to the cosmic evolution of love on earth

For that, initially, a woman of real love is needed.

How about you?

Barry Long

© The Barry Long Trust